( i wrote few lines two month back..yea i m trying my hands in poetry too. but  as i never wrote any poem before so after  those lines i felt lack of words ..so plz read it n suggest me few more things/words to complete it..)

I am not sure about my taste ,

 whenever I see a girl its new.

I like many but from whom

 I can choose ‘The One’ are few.

I found the sweetest person ,

  when I met you.

I pretended to be normal

but for me, the feeling was new .

I realized its not only me

who found his 'dream girl' in you

Suddenly I found myself

 in the world’s longest queue….

* i m inspired by many ilanders so words can be similer.. n its not a co-incidence..i proud to be inspired by u ppl)

All ilanders,

Friends , i really need ur help ..you saw that i m not writing anything for many days..there is a big reason behind that..i dont know wether this is the right place to discuss or not  ..but as u all r my friends so i decided i must share it wid u .

i just switched to Vodafone..  n  i have not distributed d new no. to all my friends yet.. but some how (i dont know may be from call center or anywhere else..) a girl got my no. she started to irritate me .whenever i try to make call to any of my friends.. she takes the line n starts to talk wid me....i never do anything what she asks me to do . even then she is not stopping all this shit..i really dont know what to do ..shall i go to police or go to court??.. i m really very disappointed these days b'coz of that..

i told this matter to a few of my friends n they all started to investigate(actually interrogate) from me all that silly things dat how she sounds ..what exactly she says on phone....they all burst wid laugh ..when i told them what that girl says ……

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"you have insufficient balance .recharge your account immediately for uninterrupted service"

Innovative Inventions

The Inventions planned by Prof.  'Apna' Pande

1. Water-proof towel

2. Solar powered flashlight

3. Submarine screen door

4. A book on how to read

5. Inflatable dart board

6. A dictionary index

7. Ejector seat in a helicopter

8. Powdered water

9. Pande's Pedal-Powered wheel chair (P3 wheel chair)

10. Water-proof tea bag

11. fixed Laptop

Interview of a Sardar

Santa Singh is called for an interview in some firm. He lands there on time. He is immediately hauled inside in front of the interviewing officer. Officer looks at Santa singh Then goes thru his certificates and then starts asking him questions.

Following is the transcript :

O : Mr. Santa Singh, after seeing your qualifications & credentials I would like to ask you only some simple questions. If you can answer those then you are selected. First we will start with some opposites
S : Yes Sir.

Officer started asking questions

O : Above
S : Below

O : Front
S : Back

O : Left
S : Right

O : Male
S : Female

O : Ugly (means Next in Punjabi)
S : Pichhly (means Previous in Punjabi)

O : Ugly...U-G-L-Y( Officer spells it)
S : Pichhly...P-I-C-H-H-L-Y( Our sardar also spells it)

O : U.....G.....L ...... Y.....(Officer shouts)
S : P ..... I ..... C ..... H ....... H ...... L ..... Y......(Our sardar also shouts)

#Officer is now angry.

O : Get out
S : Come in.

O : Quiet please.
S : Talk please.

O : You are rejected.
S : I am selected ........ ....... and This is how Santa Singh gothis job.

Santa was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know.

Just name someone, anyone, and I know them."

Tired of his boasting, his boss called him bluff, "OK, Santa how about Tom Cruise?"

"Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it."

So Santa and boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruises door, and sure enough, Tom Cruise, shouts, "Santa! Great to see you! You and your friend come right in and join me for lunch!" Although impressed, Santas boss is still skeptical.

After they leave Cruises house, he tells Santa that he thinks his knowing Cruise was just lucky.

"No, no, just name anyone else," Santa says. "President Bush," his boss quickly retorts.

"Yes, I know him, lets fly out to Washington." And off they go.

At the White House, George W. spots Santa on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, "Santa, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and lets have a cup of coffee first and catch up."

Well, the boss is very shaken by now, but still not totally convinced. After they leave the White house grounds, he expresses his doubts to Santa, who again implores him to name anyone else. "The Pope," his boss replies.

"Sure!" says Santa. "My folks are from Poland, and Ive known the Pope a long time."

So off they fly to Rome. Santa and his boss are assembled with the masses in Vatican Square when Santa says, "This will never work. I cant catch the Popes eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and Ill come out on the balcony with the Pope."

And Santa disappears into the crowd headed toward the Vatican. Sure enough, half an hour later Santa emerges with the Pope on the balcony.

By the time Santa returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics.

Working his way to his boss side, Santa asks, "What happened?"

His boss looks up and says, "I was doing fine until you and the Pope came out on the balcony and the man next to me said, "Whos that on the balcony with Santa Singh?"

Banta in Paris

Banta Singh was a business graduate, and had been out of school for several years.

He had established a furniture store and was doing quite well.

He decided to expand the lines he carried by adding some expensive French furniture he knew no one else in town carried.

He scheduled a buying trip to France.

Bantas first day in Paris was very successful and he found a number of pieces he thought he could profitably sell back home.

After the arrangements were made to begin shipping this furniture home, he decided to celebrate with a glass of wine in a small sidewalk cafe.

The place was jammed, but he managed to find an empty table.

Just about the time his wine arrived, a beautiful girl came by and motioned to the empty chair at his table with a questioning look on her face.

He assumed she wanted to sit with him and nodded his head "yes." The girl sat down with him.

The girl tried to talk to him, but, alas, he understood not one word of French.

He tried to talk to her, but, alas, she understood not one word of Punjabi.

He had an idea. He took a napkin and drew a wine glass and a question mark. She nodded her head "yes." They sat quietly enjoying their wine.

When it was just about finished, Banta realized it was nearly time for dinner. He took another napkin and drew a picture of two people at a table eating dinner.

She nodded her head "yes" and took him by the hand. She led him down the street to a very nice restaurant. They went in.

The girl spoke with the head waiter and they were seated in a quiet corner where they could hear the band playing and see the dance floor.

Banta could not read the menu since it was in French, so he allowed the girl to order for him.

The food was excellent and the couple thoroughly enjoyed it.

After dinner, Banta took a napkin and drew a picture of a couple dancing.

She nodded her head "yes" and they danced to every song the band played, whether fast or slow.

When the band quit playing and began to pack away their instruments,the couple returned to their table.

The girl took a napkin and reached for Bantas pen.He handed it to her and she drew a picture of a four poster bed..........!

Banta is still wondering to this day how she knew he was in the furniture business

A policeman was interrogating 3 SARDARS who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first SARDAR a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The first SARDAR answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!" The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture I showed is his side profile."

Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second SARDAR and asks his, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The second SARDAR smiles n said "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!"

The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter with you two?? Ofcourse only one eye and one ear are showing because it's a picture of his side profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with?"

Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third SARDAR and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him? He quickly adds, "Think hard before giving me a stupid answer."

The SARDAR looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "The suspect wears contact lenses."

The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not. "Well, that's an interesting answer. Wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I'll get back to you on that." He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file in his computer, and comes back with a beaming smile on his face.

"Wow! I can't believe it. It's TRUE! The suspect does in fact wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?"

"That's easy," the SARDAR replied. "He can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear."

Once Santa Singh applied to a medical school - needless to say he never made it
Because These are the answers he gave:

Antibody - against everyone
Artery - the study of fine paintings
Bacteria - back door to a cafeteria
Benign - what you be after you be eight
Bowel - letters like a,e,i,o,u
Caesarian Section - a district in Rome
Cardiology - advanced study of Poker playing
Cat Scan - searching for lost kitty
Chronic - neck of a crow
Coma - punctuation mark
Cortisone - area around local court
Cyst - short for sister
Diagnosis - person with slanted nose
Dilate - the late British Princess Diana
Dislocation - in this place
Duodenum - couple in blue jeans
>Enema - not a friend
False Labor - pretending to work
Genes - blue denim
Groin - to mash to a pulp / smile
Hernia - she is close by
Hymen - greeting to several males
Impotent - distinguished / well-known
Labor Pain - hurt at work
Lactose - people without feet
Lymph - walk unsteadily
Menopause - = I no wait
Microbes - small dressing gowns
Obesity - City of Obe
Pacemaker - winner of Nobel Peace Prize
Protein - in favor of teens
Pulse - grain
Pus - small cat
Red Blood Count - Dracula
Rupture - Ecstasy
Secretion - hiding anything
Subcutaneous - not cute enough
Suture - Gujrati for "what do you want"
Tablet - small table
Tumor - extra pair
Ultrasound - radical noise
Urine - opposite of you're out
Varicose - very close
Vas Deferens - extremely different
Vein - at what time?
Vitreous Humor - both witty & fun

DEATH NOTE

Santa Singh was in the hospital, near death, so the family sent for his friend Banta. As Banta singh stood beside the bed, Santa Singh's frail condition grew worse, and he motioned frantically for something to write on. Banta singh lovingly handed him a pen and piece of paper, and Santa used his last ounce of strength to scribble a note. Then he died. Banta singh thought it best not to look at the note just then, so he slipped it into his jacket pocket.

Several days later, at the funeral, Banta singh was visting Santa's family. He realized that he was wearing the same jacket that he'd worn the day Santa died. "You know," he said, "Santa handed me a note just before he died. I haven't read it, but knowing Santa, I'm sure there's a word of inspiration there for us all."

He unfolded the note and read aloud, "You're standing on my oxygen tube!"

THE MIRROR

A sardar is traveling via train. On his way, he feels the urge to go to the bathroom. So he goes and opens the bathroom door, which happens to have a mirror in the front. The sardar thinks there is another sardar bhaiwaal in there, quickly shuts the door and returns to his seat. Five minutes later he goes again, only to find the same sardar bhaiwaal. An hour passes away, he's made 20 trips to the bathroom, only to find that the same person is still there. So he finally gets ticked off, goes to the last compartment and tells the TC (Ticket Checker) what's been going on. The TC, who also happens to be a sardar, feels bad for him and promises to throw the bum out. The TC walks down to the compartment with the troubled bathroom to get the resident bhaiwaal out.

Few minutes later the TC comes back and tell the sardar "I'm sorry, I can't do anything. The guy in there is a railway staff member".

Talking about those days when there were no mosquito repellents and we had to spend sleepless nights. Sardarji was also experiencing the same every time he tries to sleep, one mosquito comes and disturbs his sleep with a sound "guooonn, guooonn."

He gets very irritated. He tries to cover his ear but the problem remains persistent. Ultimately he gets up and catches the mosquito in his hand.

He is very kind and not for the blood shed but still wanted to take revenge. Happy as he is now starts singing a lullaby and says "so ja machchar, bete so ja" (sleep mosquito, son sleep). After some time he finds the mosquito falling into deep sleep in his hands. So he goes near it and says "Guoooonnnnn, guoooonnnnn."